Chances are you’ve heard of gentle parenting. This unique parenting approach is all about connecting with your child through respect, empathy, and compassion. In this blog, we’ll explore the gentle parenting approach, its benefits, and how to start your own gentle parenting journey.

What Is Gentle Parenting?

Running off when you’ve asked your child to stay close in a crowded place.
Snatching a toy truck off a friend during a playdate.
Ignoring your repeated polite requests to come and get dressed for the hundredth time.

Every parent experiences moments when their child pushes boundaries. 

Pushing boundaries is a normal and necessary part of children’s development. It’s how they assert their independence and learn about others and the world around them. 

And as a parent, it can also be infuriating at times.

As mums, dads or caregivers, we all want to set healthy boundaries for our little ones without dictating or using harsh punitive methods (that don’t work anyway). We want our children to learn through natural consequences while feeling secure, loved, and accepted. Most importantly, we want to raise empathic, kind, and respectful humans.

And let’s be honest, none of us want to lose our sh*t in the process, right?

Well, the gentle parenting approach may be just the way forward.

Author and mother-of-four Sarah Ockwell-Smith first coined the term ‘gentle parenting’ as a parenting strategy in 2016. Gentle parenting prioritises a strong emotional connection with your child- (even when setting boundaries), teaching respect for others, and allowing children to learn through natural consequences.

Gentle parenting emphasises responsive rather than reactive parenting. This means that in the moment of a broken boundary or challenging behaviour, instead of just reacting, you pause to take a moment to understand the root of the behaviour. Gentle parenting takes the focus off of the ‘what’ and onto the ‘why.’ And although it may take some practice, it completely reframes challenging behaviour and empowers you to respond in a supportive and calm way instead of engaging in a power struggle. Your child will feel understood, they’ll learn to regulate their emotions, and begin to understand why course correction is necessary.

Let’s take the toy truck snatching scenario as an example. The other child is crying, and you may feel the urge to immediately grab the toy, return it to the other child, and demand that your kid says sorry. Firstly, you’ve just done the very thing that you’re trying to teach your child not to do (take things from others without their permission), and now both kids are crying inconsolably. Instead, gentle parenting would suggest coming down to your child’s level on the playmat and trying to understand why they snatched the toy in the first place. Maybe your child had been fixated on that toy all morning. Perhaps the other child had taken it from them just moments before. (With tiny people, any scenario is possible). After affirming your child’s feelings, you can firmly but kindly offer to help them give the toy back to their friend. 

Even though you’re gently teaching your child not to snatch things from others (because we need to respect others’ property, feelings and their right to play), they will also feel loved, respected, and understood because you took the time to listen and understand the ‘why’ of the incident. 

Gentle parenting is all about setting limits with your child in a kind and consistent way. You can help your little one return the truck instead of demanding it: ‘I know you wanted that truck so much. It’s hard when someone else is playing with something that you want to play with. But it’s not kind to take something from others without asking. Let’s give it back together, and when Sam is finished playing with it, you can have your turn’.

The Benefits of Gentle Parenting

There are many benefits associated with gentle parenting. This parenting style can help reduce conflict between you and your child- especially if you start in the early years. You can avoid power struggles and meltdowns by practising responsive parenting instead of reactive parenting, even from toddlerhood. (None of us REALLY want to be in a stalemate for 30 minutes over putting shoes on at the door, do we?!). 

Gentle parenting can also help you and your child feel more secure in your relationship. Research also shows that children who are used to having their feelings validated, and who receive support in regulating their emotions when they are small are more likely to grow up with higher self-esteem. 

Gentle parenting doesn’t mean letting your child do whatever they want and never setting any boundaries; it’s about setting limits with your child in a kind and consistent way. Instead of punishing, gentle parenting uses natural consequences to teach children the values of empathy, respect and autonomy.

Practical examples could include: When your toddler spills his water from his silicone cup during mealtime, you could say, ‘Oops, can you grab that towel? Let’s mop up this spill together’. If your little one is struggling to get shoes on, you could say: ‘I see that you’re not putting on your shoes. That means we won’t be able to go to the park today. We’ll have to stay home instead.’

If gentle parenting is practised consistently, it can lead to better behaviour over time. Children who feel understood and supported are more likely to cooperate than children who feel misunderstood or alone in experiencing big emotions (this can be super scary for them). 

Remember, responsive parenting looks at the why instead of the what in the moment- and when your little one is experiencing big emotions, being right there with them in the moment and holding them close (if they want you to), helps them feel safe and make sense of what they are feeling. Gentle parenting as a whole-family approach can result in healthy, predictable family rhythms in which both children and parents feel safe, supported and connected in love, even during moments of positive discipline. 

Want to Give Gentle Parenting a Try?

Gentle parenting may be worth investigating if you’re looking for a parenting style that will lead to fewer tantrums and arguments. You’ll not only develop your own empathy and understanding for others, but you might also even assess some of your values from how you were parented as a child.

Gentle parenting isn’t a magic cure or a way to avoid tricky moments of discipline. If you’re ready to start your gentle parenting journey, it will take time, patience, and a whole lot of learning on your part too. 

Start small with your everyday interactions with your kids, read more about the approach with Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s guidebook: The Gentle Parenting Book, and remember that it’s a journey. A whole family parenting philosophy can’t change overnight- but by starting today with even tiny changes, over time, gentle parenting can lead to a more peaceful home, and more importantly, you’ll be raising small people to grow up with empathy, care, and respect for others. 

And if you’re reading this and dreading the next mealtime, you’re not alone. Despite being best prepared with a silicone bib and spoons, if your little one loves to throw food, it can make mealtimes stressful. While it’s tempting to raise your voice when you hear yet another lump of couscous hit the floor, you can apply some simple, gentle parenting practices when social eating with your little one. Remember, your little one engages in sensory learning as they handle (yes, and even throw!) food. When you parent responsively and take the time to understand why your baby might be making such a mess, you can help them accordingly: Hey, exploring yummy food is fun. Let’s enjoy our mealtime in your highchair‘.

 

Will you explore the gentle parenting approach? Let us know here at Joyfull.