In 2021, a study by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare revealed that only 29% of Australian mothers exclusively breastfed their infants to six months, despite national guidelines recommending it. Behind this statistic lies a landscape of complex emotions, unexpected challenges, and often, profound regrets. For many Australian mums, the feeding journey isn't the serene, instinctive experience often portrayed in prenatal classes or glossy parenting magazines. Instead, it can be a rollercoaster of physical discomfort, emotional turmoil, and difficult decisions-all while navigating the vulnerable early days of motherhood.
At Joyfull mealtimes, we believe that nurturing positive relationships with food begins from the very first feed. Yet we also recognise that infant feeding journeys are deeply personal and rarely straightforward. This blog explores the common regrets Australian mothers experience around infant feeding, offering insight, validation, and practical strategies for moving forward with confidence.
The Gap Between Expectation and Reality
"I felt like I'd been sold a fantasy," shares Emma, a first-time mum from Brisbane. "Everyone made breastfeeding sound so natural and beautiful. No one mentioned the cracked nipples, the constant worry about supply, or the overwhelming exhaustion."
Emma's experience echoes that of countless Australian mothers who enter their feeding journey with idealised expectations. According to research, while 90.6% of Australian infants receive breast milk at some point, only 37.5% are exclusively breastfed to six months. This stark contrast between intention and outcome often leaves mothers feeling bewildered and inadequate.
The reality is that breastfeeding, while natural, is not always instinctive or easy. One in five women experience feelings of aversion during breastfeeding, according to a recent Australian study. Many mothers encounter challenges such as painful latching, mastitis, insufficient milk supply, or emotional distress that make exclusive breastfeeding difficult or impossible to maintain.
For some, the gap between expectation and reality becomes a source of lasting regret-not because of the feeding method they ultimately chose, but because they weren't adequately prepared for the challenges they would face.
Common Regrets Around Infant Feeding
"I wish I'd known how difficult breastfeeding could be"
Many Australian mums express regret about their lack of preparation for breastfeeding difficulties. Prenatal education often focuses on the benefits of breastfeeding without adequately addressing potential challenges. When those challenges arise-as they do for 95% of breastfeeding women, according to research-mothers can feel blindsided and alone.
"I was told over and over that breastfeeding is natural, but no one mentioned it's also a learned skill," says Mia from Melbourne. "By the time I realised I needed help with positioning and latching, my nipples were already damaged and feeding was excruciating. I wish I'd known to seek support sooner."
"I wish I'd been more informed about formula feeding"
For mothers who transition to formula-whether by choice or necessity-there's often regret about the lack of balanced information received. Many report feeling unprepared for formula feeding because healthcare providers focused exclusively on breastfeeding.
"When I decided to stop breastfeeding at four weeks due to severe postpartum depression, I felt completely lost," shares Jade from Perth. "No one had taught me how to prepare formula safely or choose an appropriate product. I had to figure it all out while feeling like a failure. I wish I'd been given unbiased information about all feeding options from the start."
"I wish I'd prioritised my mental health sooner"
Perhaps the most poignant regret comes from mothers who persevered with breastfeeding despite significant costs to their mental wellbeing. The pressure to exclusively breastfeed can be so intense that mothers continue even when it's causing depression, anxiety, or severe distress.
"I spent three months crying through every feed, dreading the next one, barely sleeping, and feeling increasingly disconnected from my baby," recalls Sarah from Adelaide. "When I finally switched to formula, my daughter and I were both happier. I regret those lost months when I could have been enjoying my baby instead of enduring what felt like torture."
The Weight of "Breast Is Best" Messaging
The phrase "breast is best" has shaped public health messaging for decades. While intended to promote breastfeeding's benefits, this simplistic narrative has created an unintended moral hierarchy around infant feeding, with profound emotional consequences for many mothers.
A 2023 Australian study revealed that 68% of mothers felt judged for their feeding choices, with 42% reporting that public health messaging amplified their guilt when breastfeeding was not feasible. This pressure is particularly acute in Australia, where breastfeeding is strongly promoted through healthcare systems and community attitudes.
"I felt like I was poisoning my baby every time I gave her formula," admits Chloe from Sydney. "The messaging I'd absorbed made me feel like I was failing at the most fundamental aspect of motherhood. It took months of therapy to overcome the guilt."
Dr. Victoria Fallon, a maternal health researcher, notes that "feeding decisions are rarely about convenience-they're about survival, both for the mother and the child." Yet public discourse often overlooks this complexity, presenting breastfeeding as simply a matter of commitment and willpower rather than acknowledging the biological, psychological, and social factors at play.
The Emotional Toll of Feeding Difficulties
When feeding journeys don't go as planned, the emotional consequences can be profound and lasting. Many mothers describe feelings of grief, failure, and inadequacy that persist long after their children have moved beyond milk feeding.
Strong emotions surrounding the breastfeeding experience are evident when mothers share their feelings of regret, sadness, or guilt about being unable to breastfeed as long as they had hoped. Their narratives are often emotional and reveal deep wounds to their maternal identity.
"I still feel a pang of sadness when I see a mother breastfeeding easily," shares Rebecca, whose son is now three. "I know logically that my son has thrived on formula, but there's still this irrational sense that I missed out on something precious, that I didn't give him the best start."
Research shows that these negative emotions can impact maternal mental health, potentially contributing to postpartum depression and anxiety. The perceived failure to meet feeding goals can undermine a mother's confidence in other aspects of parenting, creating a ripple effect that impacts the entire family system.
The Reality of Mixed Feeding Experiences
It's important to acknowledge that feeding experiences exist on a spectrum, with many mothers practicing different combinations of feeding methods throughout their journey. The reality is rarely as binary as "breast or bottle."
Some mothers express mixed emotions about breastfeeding, enjoying certain aspects while finding others challenging. As one mother in a research study described: "I love it! Some days I get frustrated because I just want to be physically left alone and not bitten but I still feel like it is a blessing we never had any major issues and that he will only be a baby for so long."
Others candidly admit to disliking breastfeeding despite continuing for the perceived health benefits: "To be 100% honest, I really don't like breastfeeding. I know it's the best option and it's only for a year."
These nuanced experiences highlight the complexity of feeding journeys and the need for support that acknowledges both the physical and emotional dimensions of feeding.
The Role of Support Systems
Support systems play a crucial role in shaping feeding experiences and outcomes. When support is lacking or inappropriate, mothers are more likely to experience feeding difficulties, emotional distress, and premature weaning.
Partner Support Makes a Difference
Research demonstrates that partner involvement significantly impacts breastfeeding success. A 2013 randomised controlled trial found that education and support for fathers improved breastfeeding rates, highlighting the crucial role partners play in the feeding journey.
"My husband attended a breastfeeding class with me before our daughter was born, and his support was invaluable," shares Leila from Hobart. "He knew how to position pillows to help me get comfortable, would bring me water during feeds, and understood the importance of what I was doing. His support made all the difference when things got tough."
Professional Support Varies Widely
Many mothers report mixed experiences with professional breastfeeding support. While some find lactation consultants and midwives incredibly helpful, others describe interactions that left them feeling more inadequate or confused.
"I saw three different midwives in the hospital, and each gave completely contradictory advice," recalls Olivia from Darwin. "One said to feed on demand, another insisted on strict three-hour schedules, and the third told me to wake my baby every two hours. I was so confused and felt like I was failing no matter what I did."
This inconsistency in professional advice is a common source of frustration and can undermine a mother's confidence in her feeding choices.
Peer Support Provides Validation
Peer support groups offer something professional support sometimes cannot-shared lived experience and emotional understanding. Many mothers find comfort in connecting with others who have faced similar challenges.
"The mothers' group at my local community centre saved my sanity," says Hannah from the Gold Coast. "Just knowing I wasn't the only one struggling made me feel less alone. We could laugh about leaking breasts and cry about sleep deprivation, all without judgment."
Relactation: A Second Chance
For some mothers who experience regret about stopping breastfeeding, relactation-the process of re-establishing milk supply after a period of cessation-offers a potential second chance.
"I stopped breastfeeding at three weeks because of severe pain and bleeding, but by six weeks, I was overcome with regret," shares Melissa from Adelaide. "With the help of a lactation consultant, I was able to rebuild my supply over several weeks. It wasn't easy, but it helped me heal emotionally from the disappointment of our early feeding struggles."
Relactation involves frequent breast stimulation through pumping or feeding, sometimes alongside the use of galactagogues (substances that promote milk production). Success varies depending on factors such as the time since weaning, the reason for weaning, and the level of support available.
While relactation won't be appropriate or desirable for everyone, understanding that it's an option can be comforting for mothers experiencing regret about early weaning.
Strategies for Coping with Feeding Regrets
Reframing the Narrative
One powerful strategy for dealing with feeding regrets is cognitive reframing-consciously shifting how you think about your feeding journey. This might involve recognising the many factors outside your control, acknowledging the wisdom in your choices given the information and resources you had at the time, and focusing on the many other ways you nurture your child.
"I've had to remind myself repeatedly that fed is best, and that my worth as a mother isn't measured by how my child receives nutrition," says Nicole from Brisbane. "Choosing formula allowed me to be present and loving with my baby instead of anxious and depleted. That was the right choice for us."
Seeking Professional Support
For mothers experiencing significant distress about their feeding journey, professional support can be invaluable. Psychologists, counsellors, and maternal health nurses can provide strategies for processing grief and guilt in a healthy way.
"Talking to a perinatal psychologist helped me recognise that my breastfeeding difficulties weren't a personal failure but a common experience," shares Bianca from Perth. "She helped me work through the grief and focus on building a joyfull relationship with my baby in other ways."
Connecting with Other Mothers
Hearing other mothers' stories can be profoundly healing, helping to normalise the challenges and complexities of the feeding journey. Whether through organised support groups, online communities, or informal friendships, these connections can provide validation and perspective.
"What helped me most was talking to other mums who'd been through similar experiences," says Lauren from Canberra. "Realising I wasn't alone in my struggles made the regret easier to bear."
Creating a Healthier Feeding Narrative for Future Mothers
As a society, we have a responsibility to create a more balanced, nuanced narrative around infant feeding-one that acknowledges the benefits of breastfeeding while also respecting the diversity of feeding journeys and outcomes.
Balanced Prenatal Education
Prenatal education should prepare expectant parents for the full spectrum of feeding experiences, including potential challenges and solutions. This means discussing not only the benefits of breastfeeding but also common difficulties and how to address them.
"I wish my antenatal classes had included a session on what to do if breastfeeding doesn't work out," says Tina from Melbourne. "Just knowing that there were options and that my baby could thrive regardless would have given me so much peace of mind."
Supportive Healthcare Environments
Healthcare providers play a crucial role in shaping feeding experiences. A shift towards more mother-centred care-respecting individual circumstances, providing balanced information, and supporting all feeding choices without judgment-could significantly reduce feeding regrets.
"The most helpful healthcare professional I encountered was a midwife who said, 'However you feed your baby, I'm here to support you,'" recalls Jessica from Wollongong. "That simple statement gave me permission to prioritise my wellbeing alongside my baby's, which ultimately benefited us both."
Redefining Success
Perhaps most importantly, we need to expand our definition of successful feeding beyond exclusive breastfeeding to six months. Success might better be measured by factors such as maternal wellbeing, infant growth and happiness, and the quality of the feeding relationship.
As Dr. Emily Carter, a maternal psychologist, explains: "When we frame breastfeeding as the only 'natural' option, we inadvertently shun the very real experiences of mothers who need to choose what works best for them." A more inclusive definition of success would recognise that good mothering takes many forms, only one of which is related to feeding method.
How Joyfull mealtimes Can Help
At Joyfull mealtimes, we understand that early feeding experiences can shape a child's relationship with food for years to come. Our approach focuses on creating positive, stress-free eating environments where children and families can thrive.
Whether you're currently navigating infant feeding challenges or working to heal from past regrets, our team can provide support and strategies tailored to your unique situation. We believe that every feeding journey is valid and that with the right support, you can foster a healthy relationship with food for your child, regardless of how they were fed as infants.
Conclusion: From Regret to Empowerment
The feeding journey is just one chapter in the long story of parenthood. While regrets about this journey are common and valid, they need not define your parenting experience or your relationship with your child.
By sharing these stories of regret, we hope to create more open conversation about the realities of infant feeding, reducing the isolation many mothers feel when things don't go as planned. Every mother deserves information, support, and compassion as she navigates feeding decisions, free from judgment or unnecessary pressure.
If you're currently experiencing feeding difficulties or processing regrets about past experiences, remember that you're not alone. Reach out to supportive friends, healthcare providers, or the team at Joyfull mealtimes for guidance tailored to your unique circumstances.
Whatever your feeding journey looks like, know that your worth as a mother is not measured by how your child receives nutrition, but by the love and care you provide in countless ways every day.