In 2021, the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare reported that only 29% of Australian mothers exclusively breastfed their infants to six months, despite national guidelines recommending it.
Behind that statistic lies a deeply human story—one filled with sleepless nights, cracked nipples, kitchen benches lined with bottles, and an undercurrent of guilt or grief that too many mothers carry in silence.
For many Australian families, infant feeding isn’t the serene, “natural” experience portrayed in prenatal classes or parenting magazines. It’s a learning curve—sometimes steep, sometimes isolating, often emotional.
At Joyfull Mealtimes, we believe that a child’s relationship with food begins at the very first feed. Whether that’s from breast, bottle, syringe, or cup, the goal is the same: connection, nourishment, and trust. Because feeding is about so much more than milk—it’s about care.
The Gap Between Expectation and Reality
“I felt like I’d been sold a fantasy,” says Emma, a first-time mum from Brisbane. “Everyone told me breastfeeding would be natural and beautiful. No one mentioned the cracked nipples, the exhaustion, or the constant worry about supply.”
Emma’s story is far from unique. While more than 90% of Australian babies receive breast milk at some point, only around 37.5% are exclusively breastfed to six months. The gap between intention and reality can leave mothers feeling bewildered and inadequate.
Research shows that breastfeeding, though natural, is not always instinctive. Around one in five mothers experience breastfeeding aversion—a physical or emotional discomfort during feeding. Others face painful latching, recurrent mastitis, or insufficient milk supply. And for many, the emotional load is just as heavy as the physical one.
The truth? Breastfeeding doesn’t always go to plan. And when it doesn’t, mothers often blame themselves rather than recognising the broader system—limited support, unrealistic messaging, and a lack of honest preparation.
Common Regrets Around Infant Feeding
Many mothers express regret not about their choices themselves, but about how unprepared or unsupported they felt.
“I wish I’d known how difficult breastfeeding could be,” says Mia from Melbourne. “Everyone told me it’s natural, but no one mentioned it’s also a learned skill. By the time I realised I needed help, my nipples were already damaged, and feeding had become unbearable.”
Others regret not being more informed about formula feeding. For those who transition from breastfeeding to bottle feeding—by choice or necessity—the lack of balanced, practical information can be overwhelming.
“When I stopped breastfeeding because of severe postpartum depression, I had no idea how to prepare formula safely,” shares Jade from Perth. “I felt ashamed and unprepared. I wish I’d received unbiased information from the start.”
Perhaps the most painful regret comes from those who continued breastfeeding at great personal cost. “I spent three months crying through every feed,” says Sarah from Adelaide. “When I finally switched to formula, I could breathe again. My baby and I were both happier. I just wish I’d made that choice sooner.”
These stories are not rare—they’re real, and they deserve space in the conversation.
The Weight of “Breast Is Best”
For decades, public health messaging has centred around the phrase “breast is best.” While rooted in science, this message has often been absorbed as moral rather than medical, leaving many mothers feeling judged when breastfeeding doesn’t work out.
A 2023 Australian study found that 68% of mothers felt judged for their feeding choices, with 42% saying public health messages made them feel more guilty when breastfeeding wasn’t possible.
This guilt runs deep. “I felt like I was poisoning my baby every time I gave her formula,” admits Chloe from Sydney. “It took months of therapy to undo that belief.”
As maternal health researcher Dr Victoria Fallon explains, “Feeding decisions are rarely about convenience—they’re about survival, both for the mother and the child.”
At Joyfull, we believe the conversation needs to evolve. Breast milk is wonderful—but it’s not the only marker of love or good parenting. Perhaps it’s time we replace “breast is best” with something truer to lived experience: “Fed is best, and supported is better.”
The Emotional Toll of Feeding Difficulties
When feeding doesn’t unfold as expected, it can touch something deep within a mother’s sense of identity. Feelings of guilt, grief, or inadequacy are common—even years later.
“I still feel a pang of sadness when I see someone breastfeeding easily,” says Rebecca, whose son is now three. “He thrived on formula, but part of me still feels I missed something precious.”
Research shows that unresolved feeding regret can contribute to postpartum depression and anxiety. It can also erode confidence in other areas of parenting. This is why emotional support is just as important as practical help—because healing doesn’t come from perfect technique, but from compassion and connection.
Feeding Isn’t Binary
Despite how it’s often portrayed, feeding isn’t a choice between “breast” or “bottle.” Many families move fluidly between both.
Some mothers enjoy breastfeeding but find it exhausting or physically uncomfortable. Others dislike it but persist because of perceived expectations. Mixed feeding—combining breast and bottle—is common and valid, though rarely discussed openly.
Every experience sits somewhere on the spectrum, and every family deserves to feel seen and supported in their unique journey.
The Power of Support
Support makes the biggest difference—far more than willpower ever could.
Research consistently shows that partner involvement improves breastfeeding outcomes. When partners understand how to help—by managing positioning, offering encouragement, or simply being present—it lightens the load.
Professional guidance, when consistent and nonjudgmental, also helps. Yet many mothers report conflicting advice from healthcare professionals, leaving them confused and disheartened.
And then there’s peer support—the quiet magic of mothers reassuring one another that what they’re feeling is normal. Community groups, both in person and online, can offer a lifeline of understanding and solidarity.
Coping with Feeding Regret
For parents processing regret, the goal isn’t to rewrite the past but to reframe it.
Reframing might sound like this:
“I made the best decision I could with what I knew at the time.”
Or: “Feeding my baby in a way that protected my mental health was an act of love.”
Professional support—from psychologists, counsellors, or maternal health nurses—can be invaluable in helping mothers navigate grief and guilt.
Connecting with other mothers can also bring healing. When we share our stories, shame loses its grip.
Towards a More Balanced Feeding Culture
It’s time to reshape how we talk about infant feeding in Australia. That means providing balanced prenatal education that acknowledges both the benefits and the challenges of breastfeeding, alongside clear information about safe formula preparation and mixed feeding.
Healthcare professionals can play a key role by offering mother-centred care that respects individual circumstances and choices. One midwife’s simple reassurance—“However you feed your baby, I’m here to support you”—can make all the difference.
Most importantly, we need to broaden our definition of feeding success. Success isn’t measured by the method. It’s measured by connection, wellbeing, and the thriving of both mother and child.
As psychologist Dr Emily Carter notes, “When we frame breastfeeding as the only natural option, we erase the real and valid experiences of mothers doing their best in diverse circumstances.”
From Regret to Empowerment
Feeding is just one chapter in the long story of parenting. It can be joyful, messy, complicated, or healing—all at once.
If your journey didn’t go to plan, it doesn’t define your worth as a parent. What matters most is that you and your baby are loved, safe, and nourished—in every sense of the word.
At Joyfull Mealtimes, we believe that every feeding story deserves empathy and respect. When we talk honestly about the realities of infant feeding, we give every parent permission to let go of guilt and move forward with confidence.
Because the measure of a good parent isn’t how you feed—it’s how you love.